Batman gets Diarrhea
by Darkspawndweller04
Summary: After Batman gets extreme diarrhea he is unable to fight crime in Gotham. He tries an experimental bowel shrinking procedure which has horrifying consequences.


THIS NOW HAS A SEQUEL - BATMAN: LORD OF THE SEWERS! PLEASE READ THAT TOO!

The bat-signal had been shone into the sky by Commissioner Gordon for twenty minutes now but Batman still had not arrived to help out. The Commissioner was starting to get worried because if Batman and Robin didn't appear to help soon then the Riddler and Two-Face would get away with all the money from the Gotham Central Bank and the dodgy Chinese casino across the street. The casino had more money than the bank, you see. Commissioner Gordon was now very worried and angry so he got on the bat-telephone which was answered by Alfred. "Good day to you fine sir." Said Alfred but Commissioner Gordon started speaking over him very quickly, "Listen you! Batman is supposed to pick up this phone and not some aged bum! Where is he?! Two-Face and the Riddler are robbing us like crazy and soon all the money will be gone and they'll start smashing the city up!" Alfred got offended by being called an aged bum but he knew he had to keep his cool because then Commissioner Gordon would find out that Bruce Wayne was actually Batman (because Alfred wasn't meant to answer the phone, be just did so out of habit and because he was expecting a phone call from the dental surgery). The issue of Two-Face and the Riddler was important though so Alfred told Commissioner Gordon that Batman was on his way and then hung up. He went to see what was taking Bruce so long to get ready. Maybe he was stuck in the batsuit again.

Bruce Wayne was in the toilet. He had eaten a Subway® earlier and it had not tasted right at the time, but Batman had been hungry as stopping Poison Ivy earlier that day had really tuckered him out. Now he knew that the salami had been rancid and the beef had been maggoty. He had he worst food poisoning in the world, ever. He had been stuck on the toilet having violent and indescribable diarrhea for three hours. It had been so awful that Batman could've sworn he'd shat out his own kidney. It spurted out of him like blood from an artery, like water from a hosepipe, like cum from a dong. But the spurts were erratic and painful and the diarrhea was brown mixed with a horrible mucusy green colour which looked like Batman's insides were rotting and had gangrene. The poop was liquid...totally liquid and felt like peeing out of your anus. It was also full of sesame seeds that Batman had eaten for breakfast earlier that day. Bruce had thought that he would get the pooping over and done with as soon and as fast as possible by taking laxatives to speed up the pooping process. This would mean he was empty of poop and could go fight crime again as the Caped Crusader. He had eaten a laxative laced dill pickle which had just caused the diarrhea to worsen to apocalyptic levels and for him to begin puking into the sink whilst sitting on the toilet, because he'd just found out he was allergic to dill pickles. Batman had no other option but to be stuck in the toilet for the foreseeable future.

Alfred came and knocked on the door asking Bruce to stop shitting and go fight the villains. Bruce told him to get lost and then puked all over the door. As Alfred went to walk away, Bruce shouted after him, "Alfred! Please get the bat-shrinking device from the bat-cave and bring it back to me...BLEEEEAAAAUUUUGGGH!" And Bruce coated his entire being in vomit. Alfred realised the situation inside the bathroom was really bad and so did as he was told and hurried back with the bat-shrinking device. He handed it to Bruce through a crack in the door and retreated when his arm emerged covered in shit and puke. He tore off the arm of his butler jacket and went to burn it in the bat-incinerator in case it had dysentry.

In the bathroom Bruce was ready to put his plan into motion. He would shrink his bowels and digestive system so that he wouldn't have diarrhea and puke-syndrome anymore and the rush off to fight Two-Face and the Riddler. When he got home he would use the bat-enlarger to make his bowels normal sized again. So Bruce Wayne engaged the device and was engulfed in a glowing blue beam of light. He felt everything start to look weird and he got dizzy and then finally everything went black. He woke up minutes later and was soaking wet. He looked around and to his horror HE WAS IN THE TOILET! The beam had malfunctioned and had shrunk his entire body. Now he was tiny, still had diarrhea and was stuck in a gigantic diarrhea-filled toilet pan! And even worse, nobody knew what had happened.

When he heard the straining and puking noises from the toilet had subsided, Alfred went to check on Bruce. When he got no reply he headbutted the door down and found the bathroom empty but covered in an incredible amount of shit and puke. There was some cum there too because Batman was jacking off on the toilet when the first attack of diarrhea had struck three hours ago. Sighing to himself Alfred put on some gloves and started to clean the room but the stench from the crap filled dysentry toilet was causing him to vomit into his protective mask. He flushed the toilet and the stench was washed away to the sewers...along with TINY BATMAN! He had been hollering to get Alfred's attention but he was too small to be heard or seen and so Alfred didn't realise he was in the toilet pan. His hollering had been drowned out by the sound of Alfred puking and the shower of shit that was still jet-washing out of his rectum.

Alfred went to tell Robin to stop playing video games and go and stop the Riddler and Two-Face. He thought that Bruce had already changed into his bat-costume and had left to fight crime through the bathroom window! He didn't realise that the bowel shrinking experiment had gone wrong and that Bruce was now tiny and in the sewers! Batman crawled through the endless piles of shit, condoms and rats until he reached a safe place in the sewer. Here he cried and wondered how he would ever get out of this place alive. He cried until he puked and shat himself as the diarrhea struck again.

The end.


End file.
